October 5, 2012

Rumor Has It...

As you all know. we have a golden rule in our store: "What happens in the scrapbook store stays in the scrapbook store".  Well, I'm here to break that rule.  Don't worry too much - none of your precious scrapbooking secrets will be revealed.  I'm more interested in rumors...

It's bound to happen.  When groups of women get together things get said, things get misinterpreted, thing get misunderstood.  The result?  A lot of funny rumors eminating from our little corner of the world. 

Let's have a little fun with this - I'm going to list a few things that belong in one of the following categories:
a. Rumors that have been started in our store, either by accident or by design
b. Are little known facts about your favorite scrapbook store employees
c. Are completely made up by me :)

Try to figure out which is which as you read them - there WILL be a quiz at the end!  OK, there won't be a quiz, but I will reveal whether these statements are fact or fiction.  Read on!

1. An Italian restaurant in fairly close proximity to our store is run by the mob.
2. Tim Holtz has died.
3. Nancy (also known as Perfect Nancy) killed a previous husband.
4. The owner of one of our favorite stamp companies was impregnated by her own brother.
5. Rosemary is pregnant.  (Again).
6. Michelle has two birds, both of which molt profusely, but she is unable to throw away any feathers.
7. Tamara passed an HIV test. 
8. Nancy is friends with Honey Boo Boo.
9. Rosemary engaged in dirty dancing with her favorite UPS man, causing Michelle to hide under the counter.
10. Tamara once got in an argument with a take out restaurant, insisting that the store's address was the same as their address.
11. Rosemary wears a magical mystery bra.
12. Michelle welcomed Nancy to our store by translating her first class.
13. Jealous that Rosemary was about to be murdered at our Murder Mystery Dinner Crop, Michelle got a profuse nosebleed in the middle of the play.
14. Tamara finally got an award.

OK - I'll give you a minute to look these over and make your choices.  Are they true, or made up?

Da na na na Da na na na Da na na na NA na na na na na.... OK, enough of that.  Here's the result:

They are all true, except number 13.  You should have at least gotten that one right.  Here are some explanations, when I can offer them:

1. Actually, I can't explain that one.  I'm in fear for my life.  Suffice to say, it was once mentioned in jest and believed to be true by many.  Many. 
2. The actually announcement was that Tim Holtz released new dies, but it was unfortunately misunderstood... fortunately, it was caught before it got too far.
3. As much as I would like it to be true, no, Nancy did not kill her former husband.  She has the same name as someone who did, though, which provides much amusement for us here at the store.
4. I can't really explain this one either... you'll just have to use your imagination. I will say that it started as a misunderstanding... The sweet lady who spread it totally knows who she is, though... hee hee hee...
5. I'm not sure why this rumor keeps resurfacing... perhaps because Rosemary shares a namesake with that famous girl from the Bramford Apartment building, or if it's because she holds a special love for a certain UPS man, or perhaps because she keeps taking these long vacations... who knows what goes on while she's away? 
6. Absolutely true.  Blech.
7. NOT true, but it was a rumor at our store.  Well, not that I wouldn't pass the test if I took one, but I never took one.  I was at a training seminar on HIV for school when this rumor got started.  Hhmmph!
8. OK, Nancy doesn't actually know Honey Boo Boo, but she did befriend her on Facebook.  I think that tells us all we need to know about PN.
9. True!  Giggle giggle... It's a well known fact that Rosemary has a not-so secret crush on our UPS man - he knows it too and enjoys entertaining the crush...
10. Embarrassing, but true. Well, it wasn't really an argument - just a little misunderstanding.  They asked for our address and I read them the address off their menu instead off of our store bags, like I normally do.  He tried to tell me I was wrong and I just kept rereading it... Michelle tried to give me our real address to give him, but I shushed her because I couldn't hear.  Duh.
11. True!  I don't know how it happens, exactly, but Rosemary stores all things in there... if you ever lose something, you have to ask her to check there...
12. True again!  Poor Nancy... even I felt a little bad when she stood at the front of her first class, trying to introduce herself, and Michelle suddenly stood up behind her and started repeated everything she said so that everyone would be able to understand her.  Sheesh!
13. I don't know about the jealousy part, but the rest is true!  Michelle had one job at our Murder Mystery crop - to turn the lights off.  When it came time for her to do it, her nose started bleeding like a fountain.  She had a terrible time trying to flip the multitude of fuses needed to plunge the store in total darkness so that Rosemary could get murdered while simultaneously trying to keep her nose from gushing everywhere.  Rosemary eventually gave up and pulled the weapon (a red paint dauber) out of her magical mystery bra and "shot" herself in the head.
14. Yeah, no matter which way I try to spin it, this one is still not true.  What's wrong with you guys?  Aren't you supporting my award campaign?  Really, readers, drop a comment card or something.  I need an award!

Hey, as I'm looking over this, I'm noticing something.  None of the rumors in this story are about Michelle.  A few truths I shared just to keep things interesting, but none of the rumors.  Hmmmm.... everyone in the store has had rumors spread about them except one.  Hmmmm....

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